i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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