Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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