girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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