he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
