if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
