I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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