Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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