WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
