just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
