I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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