I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
