dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
