My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the condom got lost in my hair
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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