She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
