Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
