When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
