If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
