the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
