Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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