is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
