New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
