She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
