see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize