Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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