oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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