I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
