guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I will die if light touches me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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