We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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