Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
