I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
