Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
