Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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