Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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