By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
