i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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