and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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