the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
