youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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