she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
