I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize