I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
