A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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