Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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