That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
