I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
