Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
