I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
