Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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