girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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