i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize