if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
