She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
smell my finger.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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