Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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