After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
