Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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