Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
