Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
