You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
