Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
