Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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