Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
