i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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