You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
