I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
