My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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