Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
