He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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