I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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