Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
