Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
