if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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