The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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