So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
