The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
