He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
God, I missed his penis.
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