did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
