i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
