Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
